why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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