Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
there is glitter all over my balls
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
