tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
