i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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