WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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