I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
