I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
