She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
