I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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