hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
