Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
