officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
