i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
