2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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