Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
