just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
