I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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