the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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