Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
