Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
