I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
