She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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