my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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