And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My pussy is not your playground.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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