eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
