I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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