I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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