fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
