what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
