so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
