You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i love accidental penises.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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