i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
