There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
