wanna go halves on a baby?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
