Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
