He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
