hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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