Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
