so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
