oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
