Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
