I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
