I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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