yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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