She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
