I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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