operation have a gay friend backfired
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
