I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just threw up on my dentist
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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