Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
