It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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