ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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